Melissa So Far

Deep inside my soul is this oily, black slick of anger. Anger at a recent event that happened to me by people I trusted. It's resting below the surface and ready to strike should any one of the people who wronged me say one thing to me regarding this event. I want to unleash words that hurt and annihilate them. I have thoughts in my head like "gestapo actions," Or "Nazi-like tactics." It's hard for me to be angry. I don't like it, it seems like a waste of time and really, does it solve anything? I enjoy wordplay but I don't like to use my quick thinking to attack. Also, I often get bored with being angry. I'm such a golden retriever people! Is that a squirrel?? Still I had a good friend tell me that I need to record my anger, so here goes: I feel angry. I haven't been this angry since I had to attend anger management when my son got into trouble. I am livid. I am seething. I feel hatred. I feel like saying all the curse words. I fee...

I remember her ways so well. She was serene. She was steady. She spoke only when necessary and when she did, it was with words that were kind and encouraging. I never heard her say a negative word about any one or any thing. I moved in her circles, but we were not friends. She was always friendly to me, and treated me the way she treated everyone. I found that when I was with her I felt awkward and loud. I felt convicted. I felt unworthy. She was what I thought a Proverbs 31 woman was in every sense. Now I'm not speaking about the non-profit ministry called Proverbs 31 Woman. I'm talking about the woman described in the Bible book of Proverbs. And in the late 1980s-early 1990s this chapter of Proverbs was often quoted to young church women as to how we should be, especially if you wanted to be a woman a man wanted to marry. It felt impossible for me. I felt shamed by it, and by the people who placed its expectations on me. After I married my husband, I was so insecure as a ...

I heard her sobbing in the girls' bathroom as I was walking down the school hallway. I saw her teacher glancing towards the bathroom while also watching the students in her classroom. I asked her if she needed any help. I watched her class while she went to see what was up with this young, crying girl. We traded places after a few minutes. I entered the ladies room hoping I had words to say that would help. What I saw when I entered made me smile. She was being hugged by a classmate and a girl from the grade ahead of her. Part of her girl group. I asked her if she wanted a hug which I gave gladly, and I asked her if the hurtful words were the same ones she'd told me about before, "You think you're so smart." "You're such a know it all." "You're too much." "You're just too much." That's a phrase I've been battling as long as I remember. I have always been a talker. I have always laughed out loud. I have been kno...