She was a Proverbs 31 Woman

I remember her ways so well. She was serene. She was steady. She spoke only when necessary and when she did, it was with words that were kind and encouraging. I never heard her say a negative word about any one or any thing. I moved in her circles, but we were not friends. She was always friendly to me, and treated me the way she treated everyone. I found that when I was with her I felt awkward and loud. I felt convicted. I felt unworthy. She was what I thought a Proverbs 31 woman was in every sense.

Now I'm not speaking about the non-profit ministry called Proverbs 31 Woman. I'm talking about the woman described in the Bible book of Proverbs. And in the late 1980s-early 1990s this chapter of Proverbs was often quoted to young church women as to how we should be, especially if you wanted to be a woman a man wanted to marry. It felt impossible for me. I felt shamed by it, and by the people who placed its expectations on me.

After I married my husband, I was so insecure as a wife. We'd only known each other such a short time. We met, got engaged and married in an eight-month period. So I thought I needed to be this virtuous woman of noble character. My hubs NEVER placed those expectations on me. I had heard so often from other church woman that this was the gold standard and by golly, my hubs deserved the gold standard!

So I did a word study using the qualities from the chapter thinking that if I truly understood what it is to be a Proverbs 31 woman, I'd achieve the goal of being one. Then I worked hard to be what I thought the chapter said, to put on the proverbial clothing of this woman described in chapter 31. The problem was it was clothing, not a heart change.

I seriously took the words literally! I learned to sew. I cross stitched and created wreaths and flower arrangements. I cooked and baked things from scratch. I even made hot cocoa with real cocoa. No packet hot chocolate for my family! I have creative friends who are amazing at these things and derive great joy from doing them. I did not! I did them out of obligation to an unrealistic standard I held inside me.

I carried the burden of meeting this expectation during my 30s. Adding kids to our family only made it seem more important. As time moved on, God brought so many women into my life who were also real, authentic Proverbs 31 women. They debunked my conceptions and God grew in me a new mindset.

Now, 30 years later, I read the words of this chapter and with each description I think, hey I do that. God has taken the desires of my heart, to be a woman of character who serves her family, friends and community, and made it happen. Truth is the Proverbs 31 woman isn't supposed to be the prototype or a stereotype I tried to be, she is me. I am the Proverbs 31 woman.