You're too....
I heard her sobbing in the girls' bathroom as I was walking down the school hallway. I saw her teacher glancing towards the bathroom while also watching the students in her classroom. I asked her if she needed any help. I watched her class while she went to see what was up with this young, crying girl.
We traded places after a few minutes. I entered the ladies room hoping I had words to say that would help. What I saw when I entered made me smile. She was being hugged by a classmate and a girl from the grade ahead of her. Part of her girl group. I asked her if she wanted a hug which I gave gladly, and I asked her if the hurtful words were the same ones she'd told me about before, "You think you're so smart." "You're such a know it all." "You're too much."
"You're just too much." That's a phrase I've been battling as long as I remember. I have always been a talker. I have always laughed out loud. I have been known to blurt out my thoughts without using a filter. I am a verbal processor who thinks through problems and solutions quickly. I am energetic and do not tire easily. I am an extreme extrovert. So I can see how I can be "too much." I've been working on it for years. I even have accountability partners to help me be more mindful.
The last time I heard these types of words was a short four years ago. I was having an incredibly edifying and exciting conversation with this great friend. These three young 20s women walk up to us giggling and whispering behind their hands. I asked them, "What's up?" One of them looks at me and says, "Geez you're so loud?" UGH! I was so annoyed. I said, "I'm 52 years old and I don't have to put up with this," and walked away while my friend was asking me not to. Earlier in my life I would have probably cried, now I'm in the forget-you-fifties and I just don't care anymore. At least that's what I say...apparently it's still bugging me, so maybe it still matters a bit.
Why do other people think saying these types of things is okay? You'd think by the time I've gotten to this age that people would let me be. You'd think I really wouldn't let random people's words matter to me. You'd think in this day and age where women are supposed to be empowering women, and we're taking our young girls to women's marches to see how were are fighting for our empowerment, that we'd be done with bullying one another. Apparently not!
I have a great group of women who speak truth into my life. We meet every Tuesday mostly to pray, enjoy snacks and drink wine. Some women have left the group and come back, some have moved out, and some, like me, have been with it a long time. We've seen members of the group get married, some have brought babies into the world, some have gotten their masters, one ran the NYC marathon, and one biked across America! I will probably write about them a lot. They are amazing. We are a community. They are allowed to tell me when I am too fill in the blank, not some random 20-somethings.
Also, I happen to think it's amazing that I can quickly fix a problem, puzzle through solutions creatively, and make friends out of strangers in minutes. I am also an empath, kind, compassionate, caring and unselfish. Used to be I was embarrassed to say those things. Now I feel empowered to do so.
We traded places after a few minutes. I entered the ladies room hoping I had words to say that would help. What I saw when I entered made me smile. She was being hugged by a classmate and a girl from the grade ahead of her. Part of her girl group. I asked her if she wanted a hug which I gave gladly, and I asked her if the hurtful words were the same ones she'd told me about before, "You think you're so smart." "You're such a know it all." "You're too much."
"You're just too much." That's a phrase I've been battling as long as I remember. I have always been a talker. I have always laughed out loud. I have been known to blurt out my thoughts without using a filter. I am a verbal processor who thinks through problems and solutions quickly. I am energetic and do not tire easily. I am an extreme extrovert. So I can see how I can be "too much." I've been working on it for years. I even have accountability partners to help me be more mindful.
The last time I heard these types of words was a short four years ago. I was having an incredibly edifying and exciting conversation with this great friend. These three young 20s women walk up to us giggling and whispering behind their hands. I asked them, "What's up?" One of them looks at me and says, "Geez you're so loud?" UGH! I was so annoyed. I said, "I'm 52 years old and I don't have to put up with this," and walked away while my friend was asking me not to. Earlier in my life I would have probably cried, now I'm in the forget-you-fifties and I just don't care anymore. At least that's what I say...apparently it's still bugging me, so maybe it still matters a bit.
Why do other people think saying these types of things is okay? You'd think by the time I've gotten to this age that people would let me be. You'd think I really wouldn't let random people's words matter to me. You'd think in this day and age where women are supposed to be empowering women, and we're taking our young girls to women's marches to see how were are fighting for our empowerment, that we'd be done with bullying one another. Apparently not!
I have a great group of women who speak truth into my life. We meet every Tuesday mostly to pray, enjoy snacks and drink wine. Some women have left the group and come back, some have moved out, and some, like me, have been with it a long time. We've seen members of the group get married, some have brought babies into the world, some have gotten their masters, one ran the NYC marathon, and one biked across America! I will probably write about them a lot. They are amazing. We are a community. They are allowed to tell me when I am too fill in the blank, not some random 20-somethings.
Also, I happen to think it's amazing that I can quickly fix a problem, puzzle through solutions creatively, and make friends out of strangers in minutes. I am also an empath, kind, compassionate, caring and unselfish. Used to be I was embarrassed to say those things. Now I feel empowered to do so.
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